Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Back to Work

Well, I am clean-shaven and my clothes are laid out like it was the first day I ever went to work. Just a week off and really only 'half off' like some post-xmas sale, and yet I am eager to get back to work full time. It is difficult to explain to people like Pierre, who cannot fathom why I'd waste my time on the endless cycle of getting up and going to work, but this makes me feel better than any drug I've ever known. I've craved the experience of working since, well, before I ever knew what it was/is. It's sort of like sex that way. I knew I wanted it, just not why or how at first. I'm still not too sure on the why part, but I got the how figured out a long time ago.

In the interaction between the philosophical the practical, it seems to me that the latter is obviously preventing Pierre from getting a job right now, but I suspect there is more difficulties with the former, since motivation seems to be distinctly lacking. I am partially to blame for this, for not putting more pressure on him to get up and seek work every day. Today, for example, he has just gotten up at 10:50 and is in the shower. I leave for work at 11:20, so it is likely that he'll not be particularly diligent in his search because he knows I won't be back till late.

Parental pressure notwithstanding, it is difficult for me to impart the sense of need that accompanies my desire to work. I have hope that it will, in time, emerge as he seeks independence and decides to do what it takes to achieve that goal, no matter how antithetical it may be to the underlying principle he holds. Further, it is relevant that he would have a different position than mine, for this is growth itself, and I am here to support the development however I can. We will have to have moments of compromise and consideration, but I think eventually he'll find a path that is self-sustaining and, hopefully, fulfilling in some way as well.

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