Monday, June 2, 2008

Graduation: I!

Ok, this is it. The last week of High School for Madelaine!

It is hard to believe, after all these years, but here we are. Friday, June 6, 2008 is Graduation Day!

Well, this is almost it. We still have one agonizing week--four days, actually-- of final exams, two of which are 'must pass' for Miss M., if you know what I mean. I am feeling guilty now because we are at the end and i feel that the closeness of the finish is a reflection on my ability to prepare her, and, given that inadequacy, we don't even want to go into my doubts and fears about the WCI and Portland.

Fear is a paralytic thing. If you just let a little creep in, it begins to take over. Suddenly, things about which you were formerly confident don't seem like such 'no-brainers' anymore. Hesitation is death in the natural world, and I sense that being marked by death can result in that sort of paralytic fear. I have resolved, here and elsewhere, with my family and friends, not to allow this fear to paralyze me, and, if I can, prevent my doubts from spilling out and infecting or affecting others, especially Maddie.

So, the watchword for this week is patience. This mountain is large one and every time I think I'm doing well, I'll hit any icy patch. Fortunately, I'm tied off to Valery, who, even though she doesn't realize it all the time, is actually leading the way. When your 'regular' sense have been dulled or injured, as have mine, you must rely on the sixth sense of your natural guides, and in this case, that is Valery. I see her up above me, leading the way, laughing and crying as she explores the unknown even before she reveals it to me.

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