Thursday, April 14, 2011

Two New Things

Never let it be said that I am unwilling to try new things. Why in just the past couple of days, I've tried not one but two new things.

1. Bubble Tea.

Hmmmm, this opens up so many crude and disgusting descriptive possibilities that I don't want to explore that it's hard to even think about extolling any part of this experience. If either Reader be inexperienced in the matters of this beverage, suffice it to say that my descriptions of the same are unlikely to tempt you into trying it. If you have already experienced it and liked it, well, you may go ahead and skip to the second half of this little rant.

Why it's called Bubble Tea I do not know--and clearly I haven't budgeted even a moment to a Google search prior to writing this--but I think it is related to the tapioca globs of snotty goo...erm, I mean 'pearls' that are dumped into the bottom of a cup of weak and sweet milk tea. Various flavors are available, in all sorts of combinations resembling a sno-cone stand, all of which had virtually the same appeal as 99% of the sno-cone flavors.

In other words, I could have had a papaya-banana-mint bubble tea. I'd rather have had the V-8. I had the plain milk tea. This, my friend explained, was my mistake. But, while he chose the papaya something-or-other at the end as he slurped out the dregs (mmm)he proclaimed it was not as good as he recalled. Oh well, my level of satisfaction will never even rise to that level. Nor will it for my second new thing of the week:

2. A minivan.

I was obliged to rent a car for a trip to Houston yesterday, and I selected a nice mid-sized car because I had two colleagues to transport as well as myself. When I arrived to pick it up, the young man asked me if I'd prefer a minivan. With a merely appropriate amount of scorn (that is, barely visible) I turned down this offer and soon found myself presented with a little red Chevy car that looked like a fake hot-rod. Not quite even as good looking as the PT Cruiser (which I will not deign to describe), it is called, I believe, an HHR.

I don't know because a minute after driving away from the rent car place with this thing, I had to return it. The interior was so dirty that I could not in good conscience allow my colleagues to ride in it. The fellow was most pleasant about it, and said he'd get me another car.

But, would I prefer the minivan?

Alas, I said yes.

It's sad, but the very moment that I set out in it, I felt embarrassed. There's really no other word for it. I have never driven a minivan for a reason. I have always felt that they are abominations, encouraging not only poor driving habits, but poor relational and nutritional habits as well.

Of course as I drove it through the Arby's drive-thru, I felt perfectly comfortable for a moment. And, to be fair, it was great on the road, and quite comfortable for the trip. The thing was a Dodge Grand Caravan, but I have to say, I didn't feel particularly grand in this oversized plastic and tin boat. Maddie noted that it was, perhaps, the faux marble accents that made it seem so, well, regal.

Don't allow any of this delicately offered faint praise to trick you into thinking I am going to go back to the well for either of these experiences in the near future.

Been there. Done that.

1 comment:

d2 said...

Just imagine the compliments you would have received from all the other soccer moms - strike that, I meant to write Female Football-Centric Americans - when you drove through the Arby's line displaying a mango-basil-balsamic bubble tea in your elegantly attired, regally marbled Grand Caravan jumbo cupholder.